Relationships That Survive

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Relationships That Survive

Relationships That Survive
There are literally hundreds of books on the market on how to make relationships last. Some of them are just fluff and many of them offer sound suggestions for keeping the romance, love, respect and acceptance alive and well. Some of them are by celebrities or media people who don't have a clue about relationships and others by psychologists that are just too deep for me to understand. As you know I like to keep things really simple. It's a lot easier for me to write when I don't have to have dozens of journals, hundreds of articles and advice from every corner of the globe cluttering up my desk. So here's my take on what really matters.
He needs the following to feel loved and if he feels loved he will go to the ends of the Earth for you his entire life. He needs
-To be respected. By respected I mean that you trust that he is doing the best he can for you and for both of you and/or your family. Yes, there are a lot of lazy slackers out there that don't deserve your respect but if he is trying, doing whatever he can, why not give him the benefit of the doubt and support his dreams, decisions, actions and effort.
-To be needed. He wants you to need him. Not in a needy or sappy way but a genuine need for his approval, support, belief in him and confidence that he is the one and only one for you for ever and eternity.
-To be fulfilled. This one can vary depending on his self-image, self-esteem and his sense of security. But generally he wants and needs to feel like he is everything you need and want him to be for you both now and as the years pass.
-To be loved. As Chapman in his book, The 5 Love Languages says, there are several ways we can love people. The problem is if we don't love them thet6 way they need to be loved to feel loved, then they won't feel loved at all.
She needs the following to feel loved and if she feels loved he will go to the ends of the Earth for you her entire life. She needs;
-Affection. Men want more sex and women want more love. This doesn't mean that women don't want sex and men don't want affection or romance. It's just that men's and women's attitude about affection can vary. Personally, I love and have always loved a show of affection and when I didn't get it I could only come to some rather negative feelings. Women want affection to feel that they are loved not only for their sensuality but for their heart, commitment and caring.
-Honest open communication. Men tend to be less open or demonstrative with their feelings and conversation. This is not true of every man but generally the case. She wants more conversation he wants to get to the point. She wants to talk and for him to listen, he wants to solve the problem or get on with it.
-Commitment to family. Women, mothers tend to be loyal to their children even if they are hoodlums, bums, slackers and worthless. Men on the other hand will tend to cut their kids loose when they feel they are no longer willing to take responsibility for their lives. Women, because they tend to be more nurturing of their children, for their entire life as well as the entire life of their children, want the same from their mate, or the father, even step-father.
-To be loved. Women worry more about how they look, dress etc than men. Women need to feel loved even if they are getting older or need to lose a few pounds. They need what Powel calls, Unconditional Love. To be loved no matter what.
Please keep in mind that none of the above are absolutes. There are degrees in each area and not everyone is the same. I am speaking here of generalities. But in the end, If both the woman and the man in a relationship have the above I'll guarantee that these will go a long way to maintaining a successful long term relationship.
Tim Connor, CSP is an internationally renowned sales, management and leadership speaker, trainer and best selling author. Since 1981 he has given over 4000 presentations in 21 countries on a variety of sales, management, leadership and relationship topics. He is the best selling author of over 70 books including; Soft Sell, That's Life, SOLD, 81 Challenges Managers Face and Your First Year In Sales. He can be reached at tim@timconnor.com 704-895-1230 or visit his websites at http://www.timconnor.com or http://soldbook.com

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Relationships That Survive

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Relationships That Survive